Well, this will be a boring post. Josh and I are completely consumed with final exam preparation. I have two finals tonight and one on Wed. afternoon. Josh has one on Thurs. night and one Fri. afternoon. Then we will be free from school requirements for two weeks!! So, I'll post later when I have something better to talk about... and more time. :o)
An event from last week has forced me into self- reflection. This event was hurtful and made me realize that I still have a long way to go. But as I think about it, and try not to think about it, I am ashamed to say that I find myself wanting to show that I am hurt around this person so that there is no way that they do not know how much they hurt my feelings. This feeling probably stems from a lifetime of learning to play the victim. I have had to fight myself to not act this way. This experience has been a big reminder to me of how "young [I] am spiritually", to put it in the words of Elder Maxwell. But I am grateful for these reminders because it shows how much my Heavenly Father loves me. I recently heard it said that we should not get upset when people point out our faults because it means that they have not given up on us yet. Isn't that true of Father? He will never give up on us, how comforting that is. It is so difficult for me to punish Asher when trying to teach him obedience. I cannot imagine the hurt it causes Father to have to gently, and sometimes not so gently, remind us of our weaknesses. But as we read in Ether 12, He "gives" us our weaknesses, just like he gives us blessings. They are for a specific purpose, and I take comfort in that as well. Can you imagine life if we were not reminded of our shortcomings? We would have no desire to be better. What a generous and loving Father. So at this Thanksgiving time, I am grateful for reminders of our weaknesses and for the infinite love from our Father!!
I was tagged by my friend, Stef, to list 6 quirky things about myself...this should be interesting.
1. Popcorn is like a food group to me. It goes way past comfort food. I could live off of popcorn and juice. Josh worries about me sometimes because that's all I feel in the mood to eat. It's definitely not the worst thing I could be eating, but not the best. When I was pregnant I ate popcorn at least 2 or 3 times a week, and when I say I ate popcorn I mean I ate an entire bag each time.
2. I still enjoy old cheesy tv shows like Full House and Saved by the Bell and Sabrina the Teenage Witch (the one I am most emabarrassed to admit).
3. I am obsessed with chapstick and lotion. I put both in whatever room I am going to be in the most that day. When I was in high school and forgot either/both I would tell my parents that I forgot homework so they would turn around and go home so I could get them. Josh used to tell me that I was addicted to them, and that addictions are bad. He eventually got used to the idea. I joke that when we have a big home I am going to have chapstick and lotion in every room...but it's not really a joke.
4. I am a little OCD about some things...ok after hearing this, you'll probably think I'm a lot OCD, but it's only about a few things. For example, when I was sending out our wedding announcements, I hand wrote every single one and wouldn't let anyone help me because it would have bugged me to have them not written in the same handwriting. I know that no one else would know, but it would bug me.
5. I have a really hard time not finishing a book once I started reading it, even if I don't enjoy it. I am constantly reading, and I have probably only done that once or twice in my life. And on that reading note, I read every single page of every single book I was assigned in high school. Even if I didn't get time to read the assigned chapter before it was due, I would always go back and make it up.
6. I am really scared of really big things, like diesel trucks. When one is coming up behind me on the freeway I feel like I'm being chased by a dinosaur and I have to change lanes. And I have a hard time looking when I'm passing over large expanses of water (especially when it's dark) because I just know that some huge sea monster is going to jump out of the water.
Wow, I've just realized that I am a very strange person! :o)
Oh, and I tag Cherisa, Arian, and Sarah. And anyone else that wants to do it.
I know it is a little after the fact, but I wanted to post some pictures of Asher's 1st birthday. Because Camille got married on his birthday (the 11th), we didn't celebrate it until the 24th. We had a lot of fun! Here are some pictures...
What a cutie! Happy Birthday Asher!! New and Improved blog. New and Improved me. I have decided to try this blogging thing again, and do it more for me than for anyone else this time. I admire those who can be so open with their experiences and feelings. I tend to hide what I am really feeling, put up a front, a mask. But I am going to try to be more open. Very honestly, the last few months have been very trying. But I feel that I am at the tail end of the trial and am grateful to be on the other side of it. I am grateful for a wonderful, loving husband who has not judged or gotten angry with me, who humbly seeks to find ways that he can help the situation (even when I adamantly explain that it is just me), and who continually praises me for my progress and expresses love to me. I could not ask for more in a husband. And I am grateful to all who were willing to listen time and time again.
This time of trial has been a time of reflection for me. I realized a lot about myself. The greatest thing that I realized is that my most important role is in my home. I also realized that this is different for every woman. Just because I received this answer, does not mean that every other mother will. I realized how important it is to me to have a comfortable, clean, yummy smelling home environment. I realized how important it is for me to keep up my housework and to help Josh in all that he does in school and work to provide this life for me and for Asher. I realized that I am talented and creative and intelligent and can use all of that to raise my children to be wonderful people, and can use that to help my husband to be successful in his career.
I am not always confident. There are many times of self doubt, frustration with myself. I am human. But I also have the potential to be a Goddess, along side my husband. This life is wonderful! It is difficult! But it is wonderful! I am grateful for women who are strong and keep on keepin' on!
One of the most poignant realizations that I had was that I have control over my life. I am taking a class right now that is based around Dr. Stephen Covey's book "7 Habits for Highly Effective People." I strongly encourage everyone to take the time to take that class. It is offered at UVU! It is wonderful and definitely worth it! This class has helped me to wake up and understand that I can take responsibility for my own happiness. We do not have to be angry, hurt, frustrated, helpless, walked on, etc. We do not always have control over what happens to us, but we have control over the way we respond to what happens to us. What a wonderful concept to implement into our lives.
I know this is a long post, but I want to share one more thing. I believe that this conept has the power to transform any relationship. Josh and I love it! This is an exerpt from Habit 1: Be Proactive. Dr. Covey shares this experience:
"At one semniar where I was speaking on the concept of proactivity, a man came up and said, 'Stephen, I like what you're saying. But every situation is so different. Look at my marriage. I'm really worried. My wife and I just don't have the same feelings for each other we used to have. I guess I just don't love her anymore and she doesn't love me. What can I do?'
"'The feeling isn't there anymore?' I said.
"'That's right,' he reaffirmed. 'And we have three children we're really concerned about. What do you suggest?'
"'Love her,' I replied.
"'I told you, the feeling just isn't there anymore.'
"'Love her.'
"'You don't understand. The feeling of love just isn't there.'
"'Then love her. If the feeling isn't there, that's a good reason to love her.'
"'But how do you love when you don't love?'
"'My friend, love is a verb. Love-the feeling-is a fruit of love, the verb. So love her. Serve her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?'
* * * * *
"In the great literature of all progressive societies, love is a verb. Reactive people make it a feeling. They're driven by feelings. Hollywood has generally scripted us to believe that we are not responsible, that we are a product of our feelings. But the Hollywood script does not describe the reality. If our feelings control our actions, it is because we have abdicated our responsiblity and empowered them to do so.
"Proactive people make love a verb. Love is something you do: the sacrifices you make, the giving of self, like a mother bringing a newborn into the world. If you want to study love, study those who sacrifice for others, even for people who offend or do not love in return. If you are a parent, look at the love you have for the children you sacrificed for. Love is a vlaue that is actualized through loving actions. Proactive people subordinate feelings to values. Love, the feeling, can be recaptured."
I just wanted to share that with everyone, I loved it soooo much! Life is hard and frustrating, mundane, routine, and monotonous, but it is also full of wonderful and exciting moments. We, I especially, need to live for the good moments, and have faith that when hard moments come, it is just another bridge we need to cross to find the next good moment!
I am just writing this for those few of you who do look at my blog. I have been busy with school and have kind of lost my enthusiasm for blogging. I'm no fun, I know. I do still enjoy looking at all of your blogs though. Anyway, I'm just writing this to let the couple people that check my blog know that I'll just send out an email to let you know when I do start blogging again, so you don't waste time checking it.
I don't know how many of you watched American Idol on Wednesday night. Because I had class, I taped it and watched it yesterday. I could not believe when Ryan Seacrest said they had over 97 1/2 MILLION votes the night before! Personally, I feel that this is getting a little out of hand.
It made me reflect on how much I know about what is going on in the world around me. Most Americans have no idea what is going on with the presidential campaign and world news, but we all know who won American Idol. I realized how guilty I am of this also. I don't know a lot about what is going on around the world. I hear things in passing, or as I'm flipping through the channels and just happen to land on the news station. It is sad!
When we were in Disneyland I was nursing Asher in the nursing station and I couldn't help but listen to the conversation of the two women working there. They were talking about a Nicole who was having a baby. I just assumed they were talking about someone they worked with, the way they were so casual about it. It wasn't until they started talking about Angelina being pregnant also, that I realized they were talking about celebrities. The way they just through around their first names like they new them personally was so funny to me. I have been thinking about how easy it is to become wrapped up in the lives of celebrities, or the latest tv show. This realization has made me want to commit myself to becoming more involved in better things. I can do so much better with the way I use my time!
In addition to my music classes at UVSC, my sister, Camille, and I have also begun a cake decorating class. We have both talked individually about doing it, and finally decided we would take the classes together. Last Saturday was the second class of the first course. (There are four classes in each course, and four courses total.) So, I thought I would share some pictures of the first cake I made (from scratch, mind you!) and decorated. Don't laugh!
Well, I'm back in school. I haven't taken any classes for a year now and for some reason it feels different to me. I guess it's just being a mom or something...I feel old. :o) It's an interesting feeling. I look around me and the majority of students I see are single and looking for that someone special. And as grateful as I am to be past that part of life, it makes me feel like I don't fit in the college atmosphere anymore. I guess that is just part of growing up though.
But I have realized how much I missed being in a learning environment. I am so excited to go to my classes and to do homework. Ok, I'm a little nerdy. And taking piano, voice instruction, and music 1010 doesn't give me bazillions of hours of homework, so maybe that's why I don't mind it. The next half of the summer semester will be a little tougher with ethics and values and elementary astronomy. Anyway, this is a boring post. It's mostly just to say that I'm back to school!
I am writing this post as a tribute to my grandmother. Eleanor Adelia Ellsworth Harmon Martin passed away on the 31st of March at the age of 92. This picture is of her holding Asher, the first and only time she was able to meet him. My grandma was a wonderful women! One of my cousins expressed it very well when she said that there was never a conversation she had with grandma when she did not share her testimony of the Gospel and the Savior. I feel the same way. She was the type of woman who could look into your eyes and know when you were troubled. And she always knew what to say to make you feel better. The last conversation I had with her included her sharing some insights with me about a topic that I had just been pondering and praying about and had not even shared with her. She was very close to the Spirit.
But while this is a time of sorrow for our loss, it is also a time of rejoicing for her reunion with her eternal companion, Aldo. They had been apart for over 20 years. I know they are together now continuing on with the work. I am so grateful for the life she lived and the amazing example she was to all those who had the privilege of associating with her. She touched many many lives!
I also want to say Happy Birthday to my little sister, Kayla. (She is the one in the black. This picture was taken at my grandmother's funeral and includes me, two of my three sisters, Kayla and Camille, and my mom, Kelli.) Kayla is turning 17 today! Woo Hoo, although she probably won't even see this... She is such a talented and beautiful girl. I admire the testimony she has already acquired. She is so much better than I was at her age. I love her to death! Happy Birthday, Sis!
Ok, it has been a while since I last posted. I just figured I'd give it a little time because I didn't have too many people that knew about my blog yet.
So, our biggest news is that Josh was accepted to BYU!!! He applied for Fall semester and we weren't expecting him to get in right away. But he did! We are very excited for him! He will get a much needed break from school during the summer, after receiving his Associates from UVSC. He is very excited, but has not yet decided exactly which major to pursue. We'll see how things go and continue to pray and ponder for what it is that will be the best for him as a career. So, that's the latest.
Oh, and Brandi, who my last post was dedicated to, will be flying in tomorrow night. Wow, so exciting! I am so grateful for her safe return.
Well, I just wanted to post a little tribute to my best friend. Sgt. Brandi Palmer is currently serving in Iraq as an Army Reservist. This is a picture of her and her little family. Brandi was deployed to Iraq when her daughter was not even a year. Brandi missed Camri's first birthday, first steps, first words, etc. Nate has been the only parent at home for close to a year, while working and going to school. But I don't want you to get the idea that this is to dog on the war in Iraq. In speaking with Brandi, I have learned that there are still good things going on there. The Iraqi people are so grateful for the efforts of the U.S. military.
Brandi will be coming home within the next month! I am so grateful for her safety, and equally grateful for her selfless service. It is because of Brandi, and those like her, that we enjoy the freedoms that we do today. So, please take some time tonight to pray for the military and their families. It is not easy!
Well, Asher is the biggest news in our lives right now. He is an absolute doll! The beginning was rough, as I'm sure it is with pretty much every new mom. But I honestly can't express the love I have for this little boy. Being a mother is truly the best decision I have ever made...other than my marriage to Josh for time and all eternity. :o) I never could have imagined how happy I would feel being a mother. Of course, there are times of frustration, but they have no balance when compared to the happiness. I am sure that all you mothers can relate when I say that there a many times when I look at him and pause to think about this wonderful miracle Heavenly Father has blessed me with and I get emotional. Isn't it great?!?!
Well, this is Amber getting "with it!" I keep hearing about blogging. I didn't think I was that out of it until I went to playgroup this week and every single woman there had a blog except me. What a wake-up call! So, I am sitting here trying it out. I'm actually pretty excited! This seems fun...I will just need to limit myself because I can definitely see myself becoming addicted. So...here it goes...
