I'm not sure I want to blog anymore. I've lost the desire. Bleh! We're on facebook now, if anyone would like to be our friend and keep up on us more that way. We're on there as Josh-Amber Terry. We'll see how the blogging goes. I might just keep family stuff updated on facebook and focus on my personal journal more than anything else. Although I'm not very good at facebooking either. :o)
Love you all!!!
If you'd like, you can check out some new cakes I did for my sister-in-law's wedding a couple weekends ago.
Check out the Wedding cakes page and the Special Occasion cakes page at And Everything Nice Cakes.
P.S. I'll post pictures of Asher's 3rd b-day dinosaur party soon.
I have been a terrible blogger as of late. It's just that every time I come to make a new post... I don't feel like I have anything to say.
Asher has definitely been keeping us laughing while on this vacation. (We're in Missouri visiting Josh's mom and visiting the sites.)
-The other day we were eating lunch and Josh's mom asked Asher if he wanted some of her cookie. As he came around the table he was saying "Maybe....." He usually says, "Maybe.... yeah!" But the cookie fell on the ground and he looked at it and finished his sentence, ".....not." Sometimes the facial expression and tone of voice are the best!
-I was eating spaghetti the other night and he looked at me and said, "That's not scabetti!" I said, "Oh yeah? Then what is it?" Asher replied, "It's a stripe you can eat!"
-And yesterday we were visiting the WWI Museum in Kansas City. We were on the deck looking at the city when Josh said, "Asher, I sure love you!" Asher said, "I love you too daddy! You're my great enemy!" Haha!
He sure has an imagination. I don't even know where he gets this stuff.
Last Friday Josh stayed home from work to help me prepare for our family to fly out to Missouri early Sat. morning. We are visiting Josh's mom and will be in the area for 10 days. Anyway....
Friday morning, after waking up, Asher crawled into bed with us. He got all cozy and was turned facing me, but with his eyes closed. He opened his eyes, and with his face close to mine, looked at me and said, "You're amazing" ... The moments that make it all worth it!
Then later that day he was sitting in the bathtub playing with the bubbles. He had been watching Monsters vs. Aliens earlier that day. I asked him to scoot over so I could wash his body. He said he couldn't because he was a giant robot. He was putting bubbles all over his arms and body. I said, "Well, come over here, robot, so I can wash your body!" He turned and looked at me and said, "Are you kidding? ... I'm a giant robot." I cracked up. I don't know where he picks up this stuff. "Are you kidding?" So funny to hear come out of a little not-even-three-year-old's mouth.
He keeps me laughing!
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| The party |
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| Super adorable hat our friend, Kristin (and her daughter) made |
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| For some reason Lena is terrified of this little stuffed piggie gift |
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| I was testing her with it and my sister was able to catch these faces |
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| Isn't that the cutest pouty face you've ever seen? |
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| It took a while to get her going with the cake |
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| But soon enough she got the hang of it |
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| Asher was happy to help |
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| After at least a half hour or so, this was about as messy as she got |
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| My cute brother! He loves his niece |
Josh is in the other room reading to Asher before bed. As I wait for him to finish I find myself thinking about thinking. I worry sometimes that I have lost my depth. I read posts and thoughts from others and find myself wondering why I don't post more personal thoughts and feelings. I do every now and then, but that is basically when I am having a meltdown and I need to vent somewhere.
I wonder if I allow myself to get so caught up in the day to day routine that I don't spend much time thinking like I used to. I know I am a thinker. I always have been, sometimes to a fault. But I don't express it like I used to. There is so much else crowding my mind.
But when it really comes down to it, my blog is much the way I am around most people... it rarely ventures past the surface things. Why do I feel myself putting up a face so often? I can't remember back to a time when I wasn't this way. It has nothing to do with others, it's just me. Maybe it started when I found myself battling the depression. When I am there it is hard to express it to anyone that I am not extremely close to. And for those few I do feel are close enough I apologize because they usually get the brunt of it!
I want to say that I'm going to make my blog more personal, but I can't promise anything. Every time I say that I eventually get away from it. I want to be more cultured. I want to have my own ideas, to stop reading others' ideas and wishing they were my own. I want to have more of an opinion. I want to feel like I am somebody in this great, big world.
Goatee (and nose dot) courtesy of a chocolate ice cream cone.
After my post a few weeks ago about not wanting a facebook... Josh and I have finally cracked. We now have a facebook page together.
We found out recently of two good friends who have been extremely ill. The only reason we didn't know before now is because we aren't on facebook... Which makes me not want to have one even more. I just don't like that we don't keep in contact even by phone anymore. It's all over the computer!! Goodness!!! Ok, I'll step off the soapbox before I really get going.
Anyway, if anyone would like to add us we'll be under Josh-Amber Terry. It'll be joint.
The other day I was driving by a certain laundry place on Freedom Blvd. down here in South Provo. I remember this business being here when I lived in this area as a kid... So it seems to have been around for a while.
While stopped at the stop light, I glanced over at this business' sign and it read,
"Computer Acess Now Open
Life is Beautifal
Celebrate Every Day"
No, those are not typos. Is this some kind of joke that I don't understand? Or is the economy in such dire straits that spelling is no longer a prerequisite to passing business classes?
Honestly.
Josh is very adept at playing pranks. You should hear some of the stuff he got guys to do on his mission, or things he pulls at work. I, on the other hand, am not. I can't keep surprises from Josh, even when I try my hardest. I always end up telling him before it happens. And I definitely can't pull pranks. It is so difficult for me to keep a straight face, even for just a minute.
Because of this, Josh has been able to prank me quite a bit without being on the receiving end from me. For example, he has turned the shower head and before I noticed it, I turned on the shower and all the water came spraying out all over the bathroom. There was also one night when I laid down and turned to cuddle up to him and felt a lump underneath me. I just assumed it was Josh's arm in a funny place, so I tried readjusting. That didn't help, so I moved again and finally realized it was something underneath me. Josh, all the while, has said nothing, hasn't even made a face. To make a long story short, I finally realized he had stuck a dirty diaper underneath the mattress cover. Luckily it was only filled with pee.
Well, the latest was last night. I was up later than Josh because I had to finish up some work for my at-home customer service position. Josh was asleep by the time I went to bed. I started brushing my teeth and immediately started to feel tingly all over my mouth. I realized what the taste was and spit it out, not believing what I was experiencing. I rinsed my toothbrush and applied more toothpaste. This time, despite my lips, tongue, and gums going numb, I finished brushing. Josh had put baby orajel all over my toothbrush. It took quite a few minutes for my mouth to feel normal again. I'm sure you're laughing, I am too. But at the time I was thinking, "Are you kidding me? I cannot believe this!" I wrote him a message on the mirror that this means war. Wanna know what he wrote back? Not, "Ooh, bring it on." Or "Oh, I'm scared!" He wanted to know when I noticed and, if it was after I'd brushed, what the affects were on my mouth. Twerp!
I am determined to get him back. But I'm not good at this. Do any of you have any funny/annoying, not too mean, prank ideas that I can pull on him?
I am going to go completely out of my comfort zone and talk about something that I feel very ashamed to talk about. I am having a very difficult time finding motivation to do much of anything these days. It's interesting because I feel that way most of the time when I am really down in the depression, but I haven't necessarily been down like that. I just don't want to do anything around my house, or anything out of the house most times either. We get invited to things with friends or family and I get excited at first, but then when it comes time to get ready, or prepare the food, I just don't want to do it. It's terrible!
But then when I don't get things done I feel worse. I feel terrible when Josh comes home from a long day at work to a dirty house. Then he feels that he needs to be doing more around the house, when it's really me that is slacking on my responsibilities as a homemaker. I don't want him to come home to anything but a loving family and yummy food. (And maybe taking out the trash every now and then :o) )
I used to be a great housekeeper until I had Lena. I don't know what changed. I mean, things are harder with two children as opposed to one, but a lot of other women get a lot more accomplished with a lot more children. I know I shouldn't compare myself to others, but it is extremely difficult not to, at least for me. I feel very small and inadequate a lot of the time. I am constantly worrying about whether or not to have more children. I worry that I am just being selfish, and that's why I'm not accomplishing anything that needs to be done. I don't know!
I feel like I might be a better mom to my children if I were to get out of the house and work or go to school or something. But then I feel guilty about even toying with the idea of leaving my children in someone else's care. I feel so selfish.
And on days that I do have motivation, it usually lasts for an hour or so and then dissipates. I feel that I am creative and have talent for some things and could be doing so much more. I feel like I'm wasting these precious years of my family's life by being lazy. Most of all, I feel like I am sleepwalking.
I look at all of you and see all of the things you are doing and the happiness that manifests through your posts. I know that we usually put up our happy face... I'm probably the queen of that... but I can't help but feel that I am just not cutting it.
I just can't seem to escape these feelings. I wish I were stronger! I will feel good for a little while and then slip right back into it. It is so disappointing every time I feel this way again. But when it comes down to it, I know this is something I am going to battle my whole life on this earth. I really should stop complaining about it. So many others have such bigger trials than I do. I really should feel grateful!
Well... I'll finish now. Sometimes I need to use this blog to vent my true feelings. I think it builds up for a while and then all comes tumbling out. Sorry! But do any of you go through times like this? What do you do to overcome it?
These burritos are really good! It takes a little getting used to eating food without all the sodium to flavor it. But I am soon learning to use different spices that are better for us.
