Somebody Please Explain

The other day I was driving by a certain laundry place on Freedom Blvd. down here in South Provo. I remember this business being here when I lived in this area as a kid... So it seems to have been around for a while.

While stopped at the stop light, I glanced over at this business' sign and it read,
"Computer Acess Now Open
Life is Beautifal
Celebrate Every Day"

No, those are not typos. Is this some kind of joke that I don't understand? Or is the economy in such dire straits that spelling is no longer a prerequisite to passing business classes?

Honestly.

This Means War

Josh is very adept at playing pranks. You should hear some of the stuff he got guys to do on his mission, or things he pulls at work. I, on the other hand, am not. I can't keep surprises from Josh, even when I try my hardest. I always end up telling him before it happens. And I definitely can't pull pranks. It is so difficult for me to keep a straight face, even for just a minute.

Because of this, Josh has been able to prank me quite a bit without being on the receiving end from me. For example, he has turned the shower head and before I noticed it, I turned on the shower and all the water came spraying out all over the bathroom. There was also one night when I laid down and turned to cuddle up to him and felt a lump underneath me. I just assumed it was Josh's arm in a funny place, so I tried readjusting. That didn't help, so I moved again and finally realized it was something underneath me. Josh, all the while, has said nothing, hasn't even made a face. To make a long story short, I finally realized he had stuck a dirty diaper underneath the mattress cover. Luckily it was only filled with pee.

Well, the latest was last night. I was up later than Josh because I had to finish up some work for my at-home customer service position. Josh was asleep by the time I went to bed. I started brushing my teeth and immediately started to feel tingly all over my mouth. I realized what the taste was and spit it out, not believing what I was experiencing. I rinsed my toothbrush and applied more toothpaste. This time, despite my lips, tongue, and gums going numb, I finished brushing. Josh had put baby orajel all over my toothbrush. It took quite a few minutes for my mouth to feel normal again. I'm sure you're laughing, I am too. But at the time I was thinking, "Are you kidding me? I cannot believe this!" I wrote him a message on the mirror that this means war. Wanna know what he wrote back? Not, "Ooh, bring it on." Or "Oh, I'm scared!" He wanted to know when I noticed and, if it was after I'd brushed, what the affects were on my mouth. Twerp!

I am determined to get him back. But I'm not good at this. Do any of you have any funny/annoying, not too mean, prank ideas that I can pull on him?

Motivation

I am going to go completely out of my comfort zone and talk about something that I feel very ashamed to talk about. I am having a very difficult time finding motivation to do much of anything these days. It's interesting because I feel that way most of the time when I am really down in the depression, but I haven't necessarily been down like that. I just don't want to do anything around my house, or anything out of the house most times either. We get invited to things with friends or family and I get excited at first, but then when it comes time to get ready, or prepare the food, I just don't want to do it. It's terrible!

But then when I don't get things done I feel worse. I feel terrible when Josh comes home from a long day at work to a dirty house. Then he feels that he needs to be doing more around the house, when it's really me that is slacking on my responsibilities as a homemaker. I don't want him to come home to anything but a loving family and yummy food. (And maybe taking out the trash every now and then :o) )

I used to be a great housekeeper until I had Lena. I don't know what changed. I mean, things are harder with two children as opposed to one, but a lot of other women get a lot more accomplished with a lot more children. I know I shouldn't compare myself to others, but it is extremely difficult not to, at least for me. I feel very small and inadequate a lot of the time. I am constantly worrying about whether or not to have more children. I worry that I am just being selfish, and that's why I'm not accomplishing anything that needs to be done. I don't know!

I feel like I might be a better mom to my children if I were to get out of the house and work or go to school or something. But then I feel guilty about even toying with the idea of leaving my children in someone else's care. I feel so selfish.

And on days that I do have motivation, it usually lasts for an hour or so and then dissipates. I feel that I am creative and have talent for some things and could be doing so much more. I feel like I'm wasting these precious years of my family's life by being lazy. Most of all, I feel like I am sleepwalking.

I look at all of you and see all of the things you are doing and the happiness that manifests through your posts. I know that we usually put up our happy face... I'm probably the queen of that... but I can't help but feel that I am just not cutting it.

I just can't seem to escape these feelings. I wish I were stronger! I will feel good for a little while and then slip right back into it. It is so disappointing every time I feel this way again. But when it comes down to it, I know this is something I am going to battle my whole life on this earth. I really should stop complaining about it. So many others have such bigger trials than I do. I really should feel grateful!

Well... I'll finish now. Sometimes I need to use this blog to vent my true feelings. I think it builds up for a while and then all comes tumbling out. Sorry! But do any of you go through times like this? What do you do to overcome it?