Time for an Update

Well, for those of you who don't know, Asher and I are back at home. And life is better than it has been in a long time. Josh and I attended a marriage seminar through BYU up at Aspen Grove over Valentine's weekend. (We would highly recommend every couple attending at least once, by the way!) We felt that we received very wise and inspirational counsel. That weekend I went home feeling uplifted, but still unsure. To make a long story short, as I was on my knees praying, I realized that everything could be worked out. I realized that I desperately wanted to keep this family together and that I needed to turn my burden over to the Lord. I also realized that I probably was not receiving the guidance that I was seeking because I was not putting forth any faith in my Father. I thought what better way to show my faith than to go home, even though I didn't know how everything would be resolved. I also realized that I wasn't really making the decision to want to stay in this marriage, but was making the decision to live up to a decision I already made when choosing to get married, if that makes sense.

I very personally feel that Father jumped at that opportunity to help me. I texted Josh, because he was at Church, and said that I wanted to come home that second. We moved me back in that day. Josh welcomed me home with open arms.

I am not going to say that everything will be great from here on out. I have already had a couple days of doubt and wonder. But it feels so different than before. If I can prove my faith by praying and asking for His help, He is always there, and I have to continue to remind myself that I gave the Lord this burden and that He will help me. It has been such a needed change. And all I had to do was exert the tiniest amount of faith. Although I feel that every circumstance is different, this is what was right for me. I truly have an above averagely wonderful husband and I couldn't ask for more in my eternal companion.

Not everything is fixed. I am going to therapy sessions and taking natural hormone supplements. But the difference that the Gospel brought me was indescribable! I don't know how I let myself slip so far away from it. I am so grateful for the opportunity Father gave me to come closer to Him. So far, this experience has strengthened my testimony greatly in the Atonement and in faith.

I just wanted to share my experience.

Thank you all so much for your love and support and prayers. We really have such wonderful family and friends! For the first time in a long time I feel excitement for the future, for this new baby, for our family, and to work to be with them throughout eternity. I can't imagine anything better!